I've decided to write another blog post as I've been having a tough time dealing with under-performing. This has been causing an adverse affect on my overall mood for the past week or so and also therefore my level of playing. I thought it would be interesting to write about it as it was happening, for several reasons, but the main one being so I have something to look back too; as this isn't the first time my mind has walked down this road.

This brings up another point I would like to discuss before I get into the meat of this. Why are habits we find in-game so different to habits we find outside of it? A Marth gets you into knockdown; he waits, you get up and spot-dodge thinking he's going to grab you - but because he was waiting he waits out the spot-dodge and grabs you anyway. It's a really common habit among newer players, but eventually once you get past that level the habit doesn't appear as much as it previously did and therefore you've grown. But what I don't understand  is when your mind learns there's no reason to be nervous... you still get nervous in very similar situations? The underlying question behind all this is:

Is it an ever-changing dilemma where you have to constantly be aware of the many factors, or am I overthinking it? Maybe I've just not progressed far enough in my personal mindset journey and what I consider to be habits are far more ingrained in myself; unlike that of a situation in Melee. Anyway, onto the main topic I would like to discuss.

For those of you that aren't aware, last weekend I was in Coventry for a regional called Smashbox, which featured: Melee Singles, Doubles and Project:M Singles. I placed pretty decently: 2nd in PM, Doubles and 5th in Singles. This was pretty much a predicted performance - I even took a set off Overtriforce in PM and almost the whole tournament, but what bothered me was the difference in my play when things got tough.

I 3-1'd the Sheik main Over in our Winner's Finals set pretty convincingly. The first game I was on the verge of being 4 stocked, but I brought it all the way back to last stock last hit, and proceeded to make adaptions that would win me the rest of the set. Yet in our Grand Finals sets, I gave up one of the games to switch characters when I was getting destroyed. I don't know how I went from being so determined to being so desperate.

There was quite a time change between these sets as I had played some close Melee sets where I was also playing incredibly nervously - in match-ups I should be confident in no less. It almost feels like at any random time my nerves can get the better of me, which is what makes it so hard to factorise.

I've had this feeling quite an amount of times, but it didn't hit me as hard as this one. I had under-performed and I couldn't decipher exactly why. It's interesting because it wasn't that it drove me to throwing my controller or something or being super salty, which is the positive thing about it - because it's shown how much my mindset has improved as these were feelings I used to have. 

The tournament had given me a culmination of both overall good and bad feelings to sit in my head for the travel back home to Scotland. I know I could've performed better, but I also didn't so my ego is currently questioning itself. This is where being humble and hungry comes into this.

If I know what I'm capable of realistically, then if this roadblock in mindset is what caused me to under-perform then I shouldn't care if I'm humble - but I'm not. I saw victory give out it's hand for me to take, but I wasn't able to take it; I know I was capable, but I fucked up basically. I won a set against Over whom I respect as very skilled, and saw I was capable of taking the other two sets, I took a game off of Dev and saw I was capable of taking the set. This is what has raised my ego, well one of the main things that has anyway. This has caused a raise in my expectations of myself and also a change in my level of ignorance. Just like the way I don't give emotional reactions to things that happen in game, I shouldn't give emotional reaction to wins or losses; as they don't help me reach my goal.

The goal is to be the best. Being realistic and understanding that I always need to keep working and that a win is not a break will help me reach that goal - I have to be hungry to make it and that's what the losses are there to help with.

Thanks for reading - Fraser "TimeMuffinPhD"

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